


Upper East Side Story

by majorhtom



Series: Late Night AU [5]
Category: Fake News RPF, Late Night Host RPF, Pundit & Broadcast Journalist RPF (US)
Genre: Ableist Language, Canon Gay Character, Gangs, High School AU, Homophobic Language, I don’t know why I wrote this, Inspired by West Side Story, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, News, No Coronavirus AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Racist Language, Slurs, Threats of Violence, Violence, and The Departed, gay relationship, how the actual hell do I tag this nightmare, i guess, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29831238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majorhtom/pseuds/majorhtom
Summary: Jon Stewart and Sean Hannity’s rivalry is not a typical one. Hannity’s campaign of disinformation and lies led to Jon starting his own school newspaper that he runs with his friends-or at least, people he doesn’t hate. Increasingly, Jon and Hannity’s friends have clashed in what is turning out to be all out gang warfare.When Anderson Cooper and the closeted Shep Smith find love, despite seeming to be on opposing sides of this rivalry, they must sneak around, hiding their new relationship or face the disastrous consequences.Meanwhile, Wolf Blitzer is just too old to be working with teenagers. And it certainly isn’t helping matters when he has to fight to keep Jon and Hannity, and their friends, in check.
Relationships: Anderson Cooper/Shepard Smith, Andy Cohen & Anderson Cooper, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Stephen Colbert & Jon Stewart
Series: Late Night AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1019148
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Upper East Side Story

Jon wasn’t particularly happy to be back at school. He didn’t like it at the best of times, but that wasn’t out of any hatred or apathy of education. Rather he hated school as an institution. Also most of the people that went to school with him-with the exception of just a handful of his friends.

Jon’s mother considered him lucky. He didn’t. He wasn’t happy to be attending boarding school in New York City, away from his home in New Jersey. Sure, he went home at the weekends. But his mother probably just considered him lucky that he was one less kid to deal with. And that there were far worse places to be than the Upper East Side. Jon, though, just hated being around rich people all day. And night. 

He brought his vape pen to his lips and inhaled deeply. Sure vaping wasn’t a healthy habit, but lots of people had habits that weren’t healthy. 

“You shouldn’t vape on school grounds you know.” A voice said from behind him. 

Jon turned around. “Well, if it isn’t the love of my life, Stephen T. Colbert.” 

Stephen chuckled. “I love you too.” He said. “I mean, Evie wouldn’t like me saying that but she’s not here, is she?” 

The two walked inside and Jon hid his vape pen in his hoodie pouch as a teacher passed by. “StEvie.” He said.

Stephen frowned. “What?” 

“Remember BrAngelina?” Jon said. “You and Evie are StEvie.” 

“Ha ha ha.” Stephen said sarcastically. “I suppose that makes you and Tracey... JAcey. Or-or _TOn_.”

“ _TrOn_.” Jon said. 

“Hey, as long as it’s not TRON Legacy.” Stephen said. 

“What would that make _us_ then?” Jon asked. 

Stephen thought for a moment. “StOn.” He said confidently. 

Jon snorted. “ _StOn_?” He asked. 

“Yeah. StOn.” Stephen said. “Or StephOn. Like Stevonnie from Steven Universe.” 

Jon burst out laughing. “You’re fucking weird, Colbert. That’s why I like you.” 

Stephen smiled and clapped Jon’s shoulder. “I’ll see you later.” He walked off down the hall. 

Jon sighed and walked around a corner. He walked outside, to the quad. And he pulled out his vape pen once again. 

Considering it was the first day back, everyone was acting so normally. It was like he’d never been away. 

Conan was talking with Fallon, showing him sleight of hand magic tricks. Seth was sitting in the grass with Amber, Amy, Fred and Stefon, laughing at James, who was standing on the bench and singing loudly to try and get peoples’ attention. While in the darkest corner in the little alley, Anderson was making out with another guy. 

And Hannity was picking on a much smaller and weaker kid than himself. It was just him. The rest of his gang weren’t there. 

They called themselves The Fox Friends, for reasons unknown to Jon. Maybe it was because they thought they were sly and clever. Clever, they were not. Sly? Jon had tried in vain for years to find out what they were up to. And they were definitely up to something.

Hannity picked the kid up by his shirt collar. “You fucking little English prick,” he said, “you _dare_ touch me again-“

“I already said I’m sorry!” The English kid said. “I didn’t mean to-I just-“

“Look where you’re fucking going! You’ve got _four_ eyes!” Hannity snapped.

“I-I don’t-didn’t...”

“Stop stuttering-“

Jon knew he had to step in because nobody else seemed willing. They either weren’t looking or were choosing not to. 

“Pick on someone your own size, Hannity.” Jon said. 

Hannity dropped the scrawny English kid and walked over to Jon. He looked down at him and smirked. “What? Like your friend  _Cooper_ you mean?” 

Jon gulped at the mention of Anderson’s name. It was well known around the school that late in 2019, Hannity and his friends had attacked him and pushed him off the school roof. It was just as well known, at least in some circles, that Hannity had got away with it with no punishment thanks to his school wide campaign of lies and disinformation. 

“Better be careful that ain’t  _you_ next time.” Hannity sneered. 

“You got away with it  _once_ ,” Jon said, “that  _won’t_ happen again.” 

“Well you never know.” Hannity said, sounding vaguely threatening. “Things have a way of just...  _happening._ ” 

As casually as he tried to, Jon inhaled as deeply as he could on his vape pen and exhaled in Hannity’s face. 

“You little shit!” Hannity pulled his fist back to hit Jon, who quickly ducked. 

He turned to the English kid. “Run!” He shouted. 

The English kid scrambled to his feet, grabbed his backpack and ran away.

“You’re fucking  _dead_ , Leibowitz!” Hannity said. He lunged forward towards Jon. 

It took Jon a second before he realised what was happening and began running himself, across the quad. 

“You’d better run!” Hannity shouted. 

Everyone had now stopped what they were doing and were looking at Hannity chasing Jon. 

A door to the quad opened and Jon rushed inside. 

“Sam!” He greeted as he ran past.

“Whoa, wait,  _what_ -“

Hannity ran inside and chased Jon down the hall. 

“ _Hannity!”_ Sam shouted. Needing to know what was happening, she ran after Hannity and Jon.

Hannity caught up to Jon and lunged at him again, this time catching him and knocking him down. “I got you.” He smirked. 

Jon saw Sam standing behind Hannity and nodded. “Think again.” 

Sam grabbed Hannity by the scruff of his neck, pulling him off Jon. 

Hannity turned and grabbed Sam’s arm. 

“Sean Hannity! Let her go. You don’t want to be in trouble on your first day back.” 

Hannity growled. “Yes, Mr Holt.” He reluctantly let Sam’s arm go. 

Mr Holt stood in place as Jon stood up from the floor and Sam backed away. 

“Leave.” Mr Holt said. 

Hannity threw his hands in the air and sighed loudly. “Fine. Whatever.” He walked away down the hall. 

Jon walked over to Sam. “Thanks.” He said. 

“No problem.” Sam said.

“Are you two okay?” Mr Holt asked. 

Jon nodded. 

“Yeah.” Sam said. 

“He just has it out for us.” Jon said. 

“Well, be careful.” Mr Holt said. “I don’t want to have to punish you on your first day back-“

“Punish  _us_?” Sam asked incredulously. “ _He’s_ the one who started it!” 

“He tried to  kill me!” Jon said. 

“I could send you to the principal right now for fighting.” Mr Holt said. 

“But  we didn’t do anything!” Sam argued. 

Mr Holt said nothing. 

Jon sighed. “Let’s go.” He said. 

Sam nodded and followed Jon back down the opposite side of the hall where they were greeted by Seth and Anderson.

“Jon.” Anderson walked over. “What the  hell was that about?”

“Hannity attacked me.” Jon said. 

“Then he went for me.” Sam said. 

“But you’re okay?” Seth said uncertainly.

“Yeah, we’re fine.” Jon confirmed 

“But Mr Holt threatened to punish us for what Hannity did to us and just told him to leave.” Sam said. 

“That’s unfair.” Seth said. 

“The anti-bullying policy here’s always been terrible though.” Anderson said. 

“Yeah.” Jon agreed. “And it’s definitely been unfair to  _you_ specifically, Andy.” 

Anderson nodded. “Yeah.” 

“What happened to the British boy Hannity was picking on?” Seth asked. 

“I didn’t see him picking on anyone.” Anderson said. 

“Because you were making out.” Jon said. “Who with?” 

“Who I make out with is  _none_ of your business.” Anderson said. 

“You’d tell us if we were Andy Cohen.” Sam whined.

“Andy Cohen has been my best friend since we were five years old.” Anderson said. “I’ve known you guys for, what, a year and a half?” 

“Eh you have a point.” Seth said with a half shrug.

“So the British kid.” Sam said. “Who is he?” 

“I dunno.” Jon said. “I think he’s new.” 

“He’ll be eaten alive.” Anderson said. “Like _I_ was-“

“We  _all_ know what happened to you, Andy, give it a rest.” Seth said. 

“It’s not  _my_ fault I nearly  _died_.” Anderson mumbled 

“Will you just tell us who it was you were kissing?” Seth asked. 

“ _No!_ That’s private shit!” Anderson said as the group carried down the hall together. 

* * *

Shepard Smith had his book bag packed for the day. He wasn’t so eager to be back to school, suspecting that he was probably the poorest of all his classmates. When everyone else was super rich, it was hard to make a connection to any of them.

“Morning, Shepard.” Anderson greeted. 

Shep bit his lip, saying nothing back. God that was Anderson Cooper. The star of the basketball team. The super talented journalist. Greeting him. 

“Cat got your tongue?” Anderson chuckled at his own joke. 

“Uh...” Shep chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah. I like cats.” 

“What about dogs?” Anderson asked. 

“Um. They’re cool too.” Shep said. He liked both cats and dogs. But if he had to pick, he preferred cats slightly more than dogs.

“I like both too.” Anderson said. 

“I like you.” Shep blurted out. “What?  _No_?” He smiled and laughed awkwardly. “You’re a good basketball player, I mean. Um... power forward, right? Yeah. I like  _that_.” 

Anderson smiled. “Do you wanna just make out?” He asked. 

“Uh... what?” Shep asked. 

“Well, you’ve never brought up my family and I have ridiculously low standards at nine am before my brain starts to properly function.” Anderson said. “Now. Do you wanna make out?” 

Before Shep could even answer, Anderson had whisked him away outside to the quad, which was starting to fill with students. Except one spot-a little alley tucked in the corner.

“Come on.” Anderson said. “Before people notice.” 

Shep nodded and followed Anderson there. 

“Do you want this, yes or no?” Anderson asked. 

“Uh... yes.” Shep said. “Yes I-“ 

He was interrupted by Anderson planting his lips on his mouth. It was a weird sensation at first, but quickly adapted and followed Anderson’s lead. 

Shep had always, deep down at least, known he was gay. Because his family’s from Mississippi, he’d always tried dating girls. But none of his relationships ever worked out. His longest one lasted just over a week at ten days. His family probably just thought of him as a lothario. Now he’d sworn off dating. But this was different. It was just a brief little make out session with Anderson Cooper. It didn’t mean anything? 

It didn’t mean anything. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Hannity’s voice. 

Shep’s blood ran cold and he stopped, still as a statue.

“You okay?” Anderson whispered.

“It’s Sean Hannity.” Shep said. 

“Ignore him.” Anderson said. “Come on.” 

“I don’t feel right.” Shep said. 

Anderson pulled Shep further down the little alley and stood in front of him, blocking Hannity’s view of him. “Is  _this_ any better?”

Shep winced. He could see Hannity from behind Anderson. 

“Do you want to carry on or what?” Anderson asked. 

“Well, _yeah_ , but-“

“Come on then.” 

Anderson once again pressed his lips to Shep’s. Shep didn’t fight back. He leaned into it and kissed back. 

It took seconds for them to both be extremely comfortable with what was happening, ignore Hannity and start grabbing each other. Hips. Waist. Hair. Shoulder. Shirt. Ass. 

All the girls Shep had ever kissed felt wrong. But Anderson just felt right. Even if they were in a darkened little alleyway hiding from Sean Hannity and the rest of their friends and classmates. 

“You’re fucking dead, Leibowitz!” Hannity’s voice again. 

Shep and Anderson peeled themselves apart. 

“Leibowitz?!” They said in unison.

“I’m sorry, I _gotta_ go.” Anderson said. 

“Yeah, me too.” Shep said. 

While everyone was distracted with Hannity, Anderson and Shep slipped out of the little alley and ran away. 

“Shepard Smith.” 

Shep turned around nervously. “Hey.” 

“When did _you_ get here?” Seth asked. 

“Um... before you did.” Shep replied. Technically _not_ a lie. 

“So you saw what Hannity did then.” Amy shook her head. 

“Eh, it doesn’t surprise me.” Fred said. “Not after what he did to Anderson Cooper.” 

Shep’s heart skipped a beat. Did they know what _he’d_ done with Anderson Cooper? 

“Hey, are you okay?” Amy asked. 

“Fine. Yep. Fine.” Shep said. 

“Only you look... _scared_?” Amy said.

“Of Hannity.” Shep said with a shrug. “He scares me a lot.”

“I think he scares _everyone_.” Seth said. 

“ _Especially_ Anderson Cooper.” Stefon added. 

Shep nodded and looked around the quad. 

Fallon was with Kimmel and they were sharing stories together. James was sitting down on the bench with his head in his hands. Conan was playing Human Buckaroo and piling items from his book bag onto Jordan. And Rob, Ed and Steve were passing through together and laughing. 

“Shepard?” Amber asked. “Is Hannity _threatening_ you?” 

Shep was brought back to reality with a bump. “Um...” he scoffed. “No. No of course not. Why would you think that?” 

“Because that’s all he knows to do.” Amber said. “Threaten people.” 

“Yeah, he _does_ make a _lot_ of threats.” Seth said. “Alright. I’m gonna go and look for Jon.”

“Oh I _do_ hope he’s okay.” Amy said as Seth walked away. 

Shep refrained from asking what happened to Jon Leibowitz. He _was_ supposed to have seen what had happened, after all. 

“ _Dog_!” Hannity’s voice. 

Shep hoped that Hannity hadn’t seen him with Anderson Cooper. He turned to him to see he’d come the other way around.

“Come.” Hannity pointed to his side. 

Shep sighed and said nothing to Amy, Amber, Stefon and Fred. He simply walked over to Hannity’s side. 

“Good boy.” Hannity said. 

Shep hated that. He’d always found it so degrading. But he was in the Fox Friends gang for a reason. So he just put up with it. How he wished he could be like Alisyn and just get out. But he was stuck. Just like he was stuck in his home life. And he dreamed of the day that he could leave; that would be the day he’d go back home to Mississippi. 

But that wouldn’t be for a few years yet. 

Suck it up, he told himself. Suck it up.

* * *

After orientation, Jon stepped outside of the assembly hall to fiddle with his vape pen. He was disrupted when someone bumped into him. 

“I’m _so_ sorry. I’m _really_ sorry.” 

Jon recognised the voice. It was the English kid from earlier. He shoved his vape pen back in his pocket. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not Sean Hannity.”

“Oh _you’re_ that guy from earlier! Thanks for... you know.” 

“I _do_ know.” Jon said. He put his hand out. “I’m Jon.” 

“I’m John.” He said, shaking Jon’s hand. 

“No _I’m_ Jon. You don’t have to repeat-“

“I’m not, it’s just that my name is also John. J-O-H-N.” 

“Oh right.” Jon nodded. “Well, I’m a Jonathan. Have you thought about any extracurriculars?”

“What’s extracurriculars?” John asked.

Jon began to walk down the hall and John followed him. 

“You know, non-class related activities.” Jon said. “Like sports or band. If you don’t do anything, it’s pretty mind-numbing.” 

“Oh right. I don’t know.” John said. “Can you recommend any?”

“As a matter of fact... yes I can.” Jon smirked.

* * *

“John, this is my team. We work on the alternative school newspaper.” Jon said as he walked into a classroom with a few other students sitting at tables.

“What do you mean ‘alternative’?” John asked. 

“The Fox Friends, that’s Sean Hannity and his vile friends, run the  _real_ school newspaper.” Jon explained. “So we try and counter their lies and bullshit by putting out real news.”

“Sounds interesting...” John said. 

“It is.” 

“That’s Stephen Colbert.” Hard ‘t’. “He’s an opinion columnist. Works on fluff pieces too and is my second in command.” Jon said. “Next to him is Samantha Bee, the women’s issues reporter-“

“I’m also the only girl on the paper so you shouldn’t have any trouble remembering me.”

“That’s her boyfriend, Jason Jones sitting by her.” 

“Hi.” Jason waved. 

“He’s a general issues reporter.” Jon said. “While Sanjay Gupta here, is our health reporter. He wants to be a doctor when he leaves school.” 

“That’s right.” Sanjay said with a nod. 

“Why don’t you report on  _my_ health then?”

“That’s Anderson Cooper.” Jon said. “One of our investigative reporters.”

“Investigative reporter my ass.” 

“That’s Trevor Noah.” Jon said. 

“You can’t even get the school to investigate _bullying_.” Trevor said. 

“Well it’s not like it’s _my_ fault the school’s anti-bullying policy is shit.” Anderson said bitterly. He slumped forward onto the table.

“If they wouldn’t listen to your super famous mom, they won’t listen to  _anyone_.”

“Oh that’s Andy Cohen, he’s Anderson’s best friend.” Jon said. “And our entertainment reporter.”

“Hang on, who’s his mother?” John asked, pointing to Anderson.

“Gloria Vanderbilt.” Everyone said, as if on cue. 

John’s eyes widened. “No shit.” He said

“The doodling guy is Jake Tapper. He’s a political reporter.” Jon said. 

“ _And_ the cartoonist.” Jake added, looking up from his drawing. “I draw the comic strips too.”

“You have your own comic strip?” John asked. 

Jake shrugged. “Yeah.” 

“Opposite Jake is Jordan Klepper, our  _other_ investigative reporter.” Jon said. “He’s the... guy with the black eye and the road rash on his face? What happened there?”

“It’s... about as bad it looks.” Jordan said. “Dobbs jumped me on my way in, hit me and ground my face down into the gravel. Compared with some of you though, I got off easy.” 

“Yeah, Dobbs broke my arm once.” Stephen said. 

“Carlson hits me in the balls every day.” Andy said. “Says it’s my punishment for being gay, but, like, he _claims_ to be straight, but touches a gay guy’s junk every morning?” He shrugged. “Just sayin’. It’s sus.”

“O’Reilly stabbed me.” Jake said. 

“With a  _fork_.” Jon said. 

“He stuck it in my stomach-I had to go to the emergency room and I have a four pronged scar there now.” Jake said. 

“Hannity pushed me off the school roof, broke nearly all my bones and put me in a full body cast.” Anderson said. 

“That’s _nothing_ ,” Sam said, “Bartiromo pulled a chunk of my hair out and I’m genuinely convinced that some scalp came off with it.”

“Glenn Beck hit me in the head with a baseball bat in gym class.” Jason said. “Gave me a concussion. Then he punched me in the face and broke my nose.” 

“Ingraham stabbed me in the thigh with her stiletto heel in a Pizza Hut.” Sanjay said. “I had a limp for weeks.”

“Also that Greg Gutfeld just isn’t funny.” Andy said. “He steals all my jokes and makes them lame.”

“I have so many bruises from Hannity and Carlson hitting me.”

“That’s Hugh Edwards.” Jon said. “John, you’re both British, you’d get along.” 

“It’s _Heew_.” 

“What?” 

“It’s not Hugh. It’s  Heew . My name. H-U-W, not H-U-G-H.  _Huw._ ” 

“Whatever.” Jon shrugged. 

“It’s not ‘whatever’ to me though, it’s my name.” Huw said. 

“Dude, you’re foreign. You can’t expect people to be able to pronounce your name perfectly.” Trevor said.

“You’re foreign too, Trevor. You’re African.” Huw pointed out. 

“Yeah, but my name’s Trevor. It’s not _He-eew_.” 

“He _is_ actually African; he’s from South Africa.” Jon said.

“Or ‘Shithole’ as the last president called it.” Trevor said. 

Jon frowned. “We’re missing Steve, Rob and Ed.” He said. “I hope they’re okay.” 

“They’ve had run-ins with the Fox Friends too.” Andy said. 

“Who _hasn’t_?” Trevor asked. “They’re constantly beating me up because I’m black  _and_ African.” 

“I hope our man on the inside hasn’t done anything to you guys.” Jon said. 

“Who’s _that_ then?” Sam asked. “You never told me you had a man on the inside.”

“Well, I do.” Jon said. “And I can’t tell you who it is because then you’d know and that would defeat the purpose of having a man on the inside, wouldn’t it?”

“Can I ask a question?” John asked. 

“Go ahead.” Jon said. 

“You said that Sean Hannity’s calls his group the Fox Friends. Why are they called that and who comprises the group?” 

“We don’t know thy they call themselves the Fox Friends.” Anderson said. “Current theory is that they got their name from a ‘Name My Gang Generator’ they found on Google.” 

“But as for the second part, the people you need to avoid are Sean Hannity. He is the leader.” Jon said. “He is ruthless and vicious and will do whatever it takes to discredit anyone who doesn’t believe his disinformation.” 

“His second in command is Tucker Carlson.” Stephen said. “He’s the heir to some fortune and believes in conspiracy theories. Not harmless ones like UFOs or Scientology either.”

“If you hear something disparaging about foreigners, liberals, the mainstream media, women or famous people, chances are Tucker Carlson is behind it.” Jon said. 

“So he’s QAnon.” John said.

Sam nodded. “Pretty much.” She said. “Third in command is Laura Ingraham. She is _crazy_. Not as crazy as Tucker Carlson, but crazy enough. She will bitch fight you if you say something against her beliefs. And she has a lot of crazy ones.”

“It’s best to just not talk to her.” Jason said. 

“Not in the chain of command but just as dangerous is Lou Dobbs.” Trevor said. “This man worships the ground Marjorie Taylor Greene, Donald Trump, Lindsey Graham, Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz walks on. Also the ground that Madison Cawthorne  _can’t_ walk on. He speaks like a North Korean news anchor, only he _believes_ it. He hates democracy with a flaming passion. Stay away from him.” 

“Bill O’Reilly is another in the group.” Jordan said. “He’s aggressive, violent and he’s a sex pest, like Harvey Weinstein. If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not. He’s _literally_ been suspended for groping girls. He is an all rounder of a horrible person.” 

“But he’s not as horrible as Glenn Beck.” Huw said. “Who is a _nightmare_. He’ll be nice to you one second and then the next, he’ll stick a knife in your back. He will fly off the handle for literally no reason at all and attack you, punch you, scream in your face... Iesgob annwyl, he’s the worst of the lot.” 

Murmurs of agreement filled the room. 

“Yeah. He’s pretty bad. The others pale in comparison.” Stephen said. 

“According to my man on the inside, even the other Fox Friends don’t trust Glenn Beck.” Jon said. 

“Jon, I’m just gonna use the john.” Stephen said. 

“Don’t be too long.” Jon said. 

“Yes, teacher.” Stephen chuckled and walked out of the room. 

“So anyway,” Andy said, “the others you have to avoid are joke thief and overall ‘guy who thinks he’s better than you’, Greg Gutfeld.”

“Maria Bartiromo, who’s never had an original thought in her life.” Anderson said. “If you’ve ever seen Mean Girls, she’d be Karen.”

“Then there’s Steve Doocy.” Sanjay said. “He has the worst talent in the world; the talent of stirring up racial hatred. He just knows how to push peoples’ buttons. It’s honestly terrifying.” 

“And finally, Jeanine Pirro. She’s exactly like all of them, but with added bitch.” Jake said. “The most dishonest person I have the misfortune of knowing.” 

“Don’t forget that  _everything_ has to be compared to the Holocaust.” Andy said. “If you disagree with her and think burger flippers at McDonalds should be paid a little more, suddenly it’s Kristallnacht.” 

“Oh yeah, she’s a  _raging_ antisemite.” Jon said. 

“I-I’m not Jewish.” John said.

“I am.” Jon said. 

“So am I.” Andy said.

“And me.” Jake said.

“And Steve.” Jon added.

“Oh you guys forgot about Shepard Smith.” Jason said. “ _He’s_ the worst of them I think.” 

“Uh... why-why would you think that?” Anderson asked. 

“He’s never given us reason not to trust him. But that makes him the dirtiest one. If he’s not open about how evil he is, that means he’s _underhanded_. Which makes _him_ the worst.” Jason explained.

“I... respectfully, I disagree.” Anderson said. “I don’t know him well. But he-he doesn’t seem too bad to me.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know.” Jon shook his head. “I think Jason might be right. You just can’t trust _any_ of them.” 

The bell rang and everyone grabbed their bags and books. 

“Alright. Um... we’ll meet back here tomorrow and discuss stories that are happening and need reporting on.” Jon said. “Until then, write some saccharine bullshit for the school website about how great it is to be back.” 

“I don’t want to be back.” Jake said. 

“Tough.” Jon said. “You’re back. And the teachers will just eat that shit up.”

“You know they hate it here too.” Andy said. 

“Then writing it will piss them off.” Jon said. “Just do it, Jake.” 

Jake sighed loudly and forcefully. “ _Fine_.” 

“Good.” Jon nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Everyone piled out of the room with the exception of John and Anderson. 

“John?” 

“Yeah.” 

“You okay?” 

“Worried about Sean Hannity’s gang.” 

“Ah yeah. They’re not like bees in that they sting you if you provoke them.” Jon said. “They’re more like wasps who’ll sting you for anything.” 

“That makes me feel _so_ much better.” John said sarcastically.

“Just be back here tomorrow.” Jon shrugged. “If you want to that is.” 

“I’ll _think_ about it.” John said and walked out of the room.

This left only Anderson behind.

“Anderson, are you okay?” Jon asked. 

“Well, I don’t see why shouldn’t be.” Anderson said with a shrug. “But Jon, there’s just one thing-why do the freshmen look at me funny? I mean if they don’t, they stare or pretend they weren’t staring.”

“I’m sure they  _aren’t_ staring-“

“Jon, I  _know_ they’re staring. I know what it’s like when people stare. You forget who my mom is.” Anderson said. “You forget I have to put up with stupid tabloid stories about the ‘poor Vanderbilt boy’ and having sleazy tabloids butt into my family life all the time... blaming my mom for shit. She does her best, Jon.” 

“I know she does.” Jon said. He glanced down at the floor. “Well.. have you considered the possibility that they still think you jumped?” He said.

Anderson’s eyes widened. “What?” He asked. “Who? Why?”

“School. The tabloids. That’s the lie the Fox Friends pedalled. That you jumped.” Jon said. 

“What,  _backwards_?” Anderson asked. 

Jon shrugged. “Carlson said Joe Biden was a hologram who will make everyone drink Starbucks and people believed  _that_.”

“But I would  _never_ jump-especially not after Carter-“

“I know. We  _all_ know. But saying you jumped... is how Hannity got away with pushing you.” 

“That... mother _fucker_!” Anderson snarled. He picked up his backpack from the floor. “I’m going to give him a piece of my mind-“

Jon held his hands out in an attempt to stop Anderson. “No, you’re not.” He said. “He’ll just put you back in the hospital.” 

“This is different, Jon, he made my mom cry.” Anderson said. “ _Move_.” He pushed past Jon and stormed out of the room. 

“Anderson!” Jon called down the hall after him.

It was too late, however, as Anderson was already hotfooting it down the hall.

“Where’s he going?” Stephen asked as he stopped by Jon.

“To confront Hannity.” Jon said. 

Stephen nodded. “Cool.” He said. Then he immediately realised what Jon was saying.“Fuck!” He exclaimed and ran down the hall after him. “ _Anderson_!” 

* * *

“Hannity!” Anderson shouted. 

Hannity turned around from the rest of the Fox Friends and smirked. “Cooper.” 

Anderson marched over to Hannity and dropped his backpack on the floor. “What the fuck are you doing, telling freshmen I tried to commit suicide?” He stood toe to toe with the much burlier Hannity. 

“I was just telling everyone what happened two years ago.” Hannity said. 

“Fucking bullshit.” Anderson said. “We  _both_ know what happened.”

“You’re right. We both do.” Hannity said. “I saw you go up on the roof. I tried to talk you down, but you... you wanted to jump-“

“Stop.” Anderson snarled. 

“You said you wanted to be with your dear brother-“

“Stop it!” Anderson shouted. “Don’t you  _dare_ bring my brother into this!” 

“You brought him into this first, Cooper.” Hannity said. “When you tried to copy him-“

Anderson saw red. He pulled his fist back like a coiled spring and let it go, right into Hannity’s nose. 

Hannity stumbled backwards. The Fox Friends immediately jumped to their guard to defend Hannity. 

“No.” Hannity said. “I got this.” He grabbed Anderson by front of his shirt. “Listen here, you little  _fag_ , I put you in the hospital once, I can do it again.” He hissed. 

“I’d like to see you try it.” Anderson said, trying not to let his fear betray him. 

“Yeah?” Hannity smirked. “I’ll do it. I  _will_ do it.” 

“In front of all these people though? I doubt it.” Anderson said. 

“You should be _thanking_ me, Cooper.” Hannity said. “When you started high school, all anyone knew you for was being the Vanderbilt kid or that kid whose brother jumped.”

Anderson growled angrily. 

“But now, they know you as the kid who jumped, the kid who broke every bone in his miserable fucking body, the druggie kid-“

“I am  _not_ on drugs, I did  _not_ attempt suicide nor will I  _ever_ thank you for what you did to me and my family.” Anderson went to punch Hannity again.

Hannity grabbed Anderson’s arm. “I’ll break your stupid arm right now.” 

“Do it.” Anderson dared. 

Hannity grit his teeth and pulled hard on Anderson’s arm. Still keeping his vice like grip on Anderson’s shirt, he repeatedly punched Anderson in the stomach. “That’s what you get for spreading fake news!” 

“Hannity! Stop it! Leave him alone!” 

“Stay the _fuck_ out of this, _Dog_!” Hannity said. 

“No!” Shep pushed Hannity. “I said leave Anderson Cooper alone!”

Hannity let go of Anderson, who dropped to the ground wheezing. “You’re not taking _his_ side, are you, _Dog_?  _He’s_ the one spreading all the lies.  _He’s_ dividing us with his outrageous Q-On conspiracy theories.”

“My name isn’t  _Dog_.” Shep said. “It’s  _Shepard._ And  _you’re_ the only one who’s lying here.” 

Hannity smirked. “Looks like we need to teach  someone a lesson.” He clicked his fingers attracting the attention of the other Fox Friends and pointed at Shep. “You know what to do, guys.” 

Carlson lunged at Shep first, knocking him backwards on the ground. The rest of the male Fox Friends then piled on Shep, attacking him like a pack of starving rabid wild dogs after a t-bone steak. 

Anderson scrambled to his feet. 

Hannity turned to him. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about  _you_ , Cooper.” 

“Leave my family alone.” Anderson said. 

“Why should I when the tabloids won’t?” Hannity said. “The National Inquirer says that to cope with your trauma of your failed suicide attempt you turned to crystal meth and heroin.”

“I’m not on meth or heroin and you fucking  _know_ that, Hannity.” Anderson said. 

“So you acknowledge there  _was_ a suicide attempt-“

“You pushed me off a building!” 

Hannity looked over at his gang, still beating Shep. “Alright. He’s had enough. Let him go.” 

The Fox Friends all stopped and stood up, except Carlson, who carried on punching Shep in the face. 

“Carlson! I said  _stop_!” Hannity shouted.

“Yes, Sean.” Carlson stood up. “Sorry, Sean.” 

“I could destroy you, Cooper.” Hannity said. “You saw what my men just did to  _Dog_.” 

“They aren’t ‘your men’, Hannity. They’re _kids_. Just like you and me.” Anderson said. 

“You fake news bastard.” Hannity chuckled darkly. “I  _will_ take you down. Just like I did last time. But then again, you  _remember_ that.” 

* * *

Sean Hannity had Anderson by the scruff of his neck as he dragged him up the staircase. Tucker Carlson, Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck and Lou Dobbs were following behind. Or in front, in Anderson’s case. 

“Sean, stop this!” Anderson begged. “You don’t have to do anything-just let me go!”

“No way,  _Vanderbilt_. You know too much.” Hannity said.

“I don’t know _anything_!” Anderson protested. 

Hannity opened a door. He roughly dragged Anderson through it and pushed him out.

“You’re gonna _leave me_ up here?” Anderson asked. 

“We can’t risk you _telling_ on us.” O’Reilly said. 

“So you  _are_ leaving me here?” Anderson asked. He tried to push past Dobbs, only Dobbs punched him in the face, knocking him to the floor. 

“Shouldn’t have done that,  _Vanderbilt_.” Hannity said. He grabbed Anderson by the neck. 

“I... did...” Anderson struggled to breathe and fight back against Hannity. 

Carlson punched him in the face, while Beck kicked him in the stomach. 

Hannity dropped Anderson on the floor. Beck kicked him in the back of the head. 

“I know you were in the wrong pace at the wrong time.” Hannity said. “But we have no problem doing this to an innocent bystander.” He crouched down. “And _you’re_ no innocent bystander.” 

Anderson tried to pull himself up. “What the  fuck are you... fuck.”

“I’d say  _you’re_ fucked.” Hannity pulled Anderson up by his shirt collar and dragged him to the edge of the roof. “Look at _that_ , Vanderbilt.” 

“It’s school... what are you planning?” Anderson asked. “I don’t even care, I-“

Hannity held Anderson up at the edge of the roof. “What would you do? Snitch on us?”

“You know what happens to snitches, don’t you?” Carlson asked. 

“Stitches?” Anderson asked. 

Hannity let go of Anderson and smirked. “Say hello to Carter.” He pushed Anderson.

Anderson barely had time to register what had happened before he felt the worst, most agonising pain, a pain like he’d never felt before, a pain far worse than he could ever imagine, radiating from _everywhere;_ all over his body.

There was a lot of screaming and shouting and someone knelt down at his side. But Anderson didn’t know who it was. Everything had gone black. 

* * *

“We aren’t done here, Cooper.” Hannity said.

“Damn right we aren’t.” Anderson said. 

Hannity turned to his gang and led them away. “Let’s go.” He smirked at Shep, who was lying unconscious, bruised and bloodied on the grass.

“Anderson, are you okay?” Stephen asked. 

Anderson turned around. “How long have you been there?” 

“Long enough to know he dragged your dead brother into it.” Stephen said. “I’m really sorry.” 

“I’m gonna check on Shepard Smith.” Anderson said. He walked over to Shep and knelt down. Already he didn’t look good. But he was out cold, not dead.

“Stephen, I’m gonna need you to get a teacher. He’s hurt bad.” 

“Will do.” Stephen ran off to go and find someone. 

Anderson stayed kneeling at Shep’s side, just in case he stopped breathing. It wasn’t likely, but given that Shep had just taken such a beating, especially from Carlson, Anderson wasn’t ruling out the possibility. 

“Shep, can you hear me?” He asked. 

“Owww.” Shep moaned. 

“Do you know who I am?” Anderson asked. He hoped he would, after what happened earlier, but given he’d been knocked out, a bit of amnesia was more than likely.

“Cooper.” Shep said. “Everything hurts.” 

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Anderson said. “And you can trust me on  _that_ one.” 

“The sky’s spinning.” Shep said. 

“I think Tucker Carlson really did a number on your brain.” Anderson said. 

“They’re over there, Mr Blitzer.” Stephen said. 

Anderson turned around to see the history teacher come running over. He stood up. 

“Anderson, are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, Mr Blitzer, but Shep’s hurt.” 

The teacher nodded and knelt down next to Shep. “Shepard, what happened?” He asked gently. 

“Carlson. Tucker Carlson, he beat me up. He pushed me to the ground. Punched me. He just wouldn’t stop.” Shep pushed himself into a sitting position. “He wasn’t the only one either. Sean Hannity ordered him to do it. Him and his friends did it.” 

“Why?” Mr Blitzer asked. 

“I asked them not to-“

“Hannity was mocking my dead brother.” Anderson said. “Shep told him to stop. And Tucker Carlson lunged at him, started beating the crap out of him.” 

Shep nodded. “Yeah. _That_.” 

“I’ll have a word with Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity about fighting-“

“No! _Don’t_!” Shep said. “ _Please_ , it’ll-it’ll make it _worse_.” 

“What’s going on?” Mr Blitzer asked. 

“Nothing.” Anderson said. “He was just hit _really_ hard.”

“Oh no.” Mr Blitzer shook his head. “Shepard, can you stand, or shall I get the nurse to bring a wheelchair?” 

“No! I can stand!” Shep said. With trembling limbs, he managed to pull himself to his feet, where he swayed until Anderson stood up and helped steady him. 

“It’s okay.” 

“I can’t miss work tonight.” Shep said. 

“I-you _work_?” Anderson asked. 

“McDonalds.” Shep mumbled. 

Anderson nodded. He had no idea that Shep worked, nor would he have guessed that his classmate worked at a fast food joint. Then again, he didn’t know much about most people at this school except for Andy. He’d missed half of his freshman year when Hannity put him in the hospital so everyone else had had a head start over him in socialising. 

“Alright, boys. Let’s get you to the nurse’s office.” Mr Blitzer said. “See if we can call your parents.” 

“Mom’s in work.” Shep said. “She’s a teacher. Lower East Side.” 

“What about your father?” Mr Blitzer asked.

“He’s in Mississippi.” Shep said.

“Any other family members?” 

“Yep.” 

“Can we call _them_?” 

“Feel free.” Shep said. “But they’re all in Mississippi.”

“I see.” Mr Blitzer said. “You’ll have to wait in the nurse’s office until we can call your mother, I’m afraid. I can’t send you home with a concussion and a broken nose.” 

“Call an ambulance.” Anderson suggested. “He blacked out.” 

“He _blacked out_?” Mr Blitzer asked. “He lost consciousness?

Anderson nodded. 

“How long for?” 

“Uh... I think it was about two... maybe three minutes.” Anderson said. 

Mr Blitzer nodded. “Alright. Come to the nurse’s office and I’ll call an ambulance.” 

“That’s not _necessary_ , Mr Blitzer, I-I’m _fine_ -“

“That isn’t _my_ place to say.” Mr Blitzer said. “Nor is it _yours_. You’ve got a head injury so it wouldn’t be wise to take chances. Come on, boys.” 

Anderson looked at Shep and sighed. He never expected to be on the other side of this situation.

* * *

Wolf Blitzer walked into the staff room. There, he was no longer ‘Mr Blitzer’, rather he was just Wolf. And in a place where he could just relax and drink coffee and binge watch Better Call Saul on his iPhone.

“Wolf! Catch the Bills last night?” 

“I did, yeah. Not the best way to open a season, but at least they didn’t lose.” Wolf said. “Sorry about your Patriots, John.” 

John shrugged. “They’ll win next time.” 

Wolf made his way over to the coffee maker. “I’ll believe  _that_ when I see it.” He said.

“Wolf, David’s hooking us up with a TV so we can stream the new Suicide Squad movie. You in?” 

“Uh, no thanks, Brian.” Wolf said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “I need to punish Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity-“

Everyone groaned at the mention of his name. 

“What?” 

“Hannity’s a piece of work.” Brian said. “ _Ignore_ him.” 

“He just had another kid beaten up.” Wolf argued. 

A scoff. “The same way he pushed the Vanderbilt boy off the roof? Yeah  _right_.” 

“You  know I believe Anderson Cooper about  _that_ one, Chris.” Wolf said. 

“I believe it too.” 

Wolf turned to his colleague and nodded. “Thank you, Al.” 

“I just can’t bring myself to trust Hannity and his gang.” Al said. “I’ve had to deal with Bill O’Reilly myself after he stabbed another boy. And I see the way they treat that poor Mississippi boy-“

“It was  him they beat up.” Wolf said. “I had to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital.” 

“Oh _that’s_ what that was about.” Chris said. 

“Yes. And honestly, he looked a mess-I’m certain he’s concussed given that he lost consciousness. And his nose is probably broken too.” 

“I broke my nose when I was his age and I turned out fine. He’ll be alright, don’t worry about it.” Brian said. “Just watch Suicide Squad with us.” 

“No, I’ve already seen it.” Wolf said. He grabbed his coffee and took a sip. “I’m gonna go see Lesley about punishing Carlson and Hannity. I  _really_ hate kids.” 

It’s not that he didn’t like working with kids. He did or else he would have done it for so long and still be doing it now. There were some kids he liked a lot less than others, however, and Sean Hannity’s lot  were those kids. 

“You  _don’t_ hate kids.” John said. “It’s just that it’s the first Monday back after having the summer off.” 

“Yeah, that’s it.” Wolf said. “That’s it.” He crossed the room and walked out of the door. 

“Is anyone _else_ up for Suicide Squad?” Brian asked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why I wrote this either. I think I’m just succumbing to the pandemic at this point. After all, it has been nearly a year.  
> Anyway, welcome to my AU. It’s a high school AU. Set in 2021. So hey, I suppose it’s also a no-COVID AU too. And it’s like West Side Story meets The Departed. But it’ll be funny too, I promise. At least in places.  
> It will have an ensemble cast, but the focus will be primarily on three or four characters. But I have reasons for including everyone. And this chapter introduces most of the major players.  
> Oh, one last thing, I don’t know how often I’m gonna be able to update.


End file.
